Tanya's Island (1980)

The world of cinema invites viewers to a variety of places. How else could a normal schmuck have the luck to spend time with Selena Gomez, Leighton Meester, and Andie MacDowell other than by taking a virtual vacation to Monte Carlo (2011). And how else can armchair adventurers tackle Everest (2015) or travel back in time to swash their buckles on Cutthroat Island (1995)? Perhaps you fantasize about being the meat in a Naomi Watts and Laura Harring sandwich. Then venture to Mulholland Drive (2001). Of course, Mr. Skin envisions a trip to Tanya’s Island (1980) where he can cozy up to Denise “Vanity” Matthews. Credited as D.D. Winters, the gorgeous gal plays a Toronto model named Tanya. She longs to leave her abusive boyfriend Lobo (Richard Sargent) in Canada by escaping to a deserted island. Fortunately, her dream magically comes true and we get to view her strut her stuff in the buff! Suffice it to say, Vanity is not vain about hiding her body. Alas, the naked babe realizes Lobo followed her. If his presence isn’t menacing enough, Tanya encounters an antagonistic ape! In a strange twist of fate, the hot heroine bangs her beau while the gorilla gets jealous. Can you blame him? The battle between man and beast wages for the beauty’s treasured chest — not to mention her fanny and muff! It’s true no man is an island. But if Vanity is stranded there, no man wants to get off because she’s already taken care of that!